There are two ways goals are formed:
-Avoidance based goals: goals are decided based on something you don’t like about yourself or don’t want in your life.
Examples: I don’t like the way my clothes fit anymore. I am overweight and I don’t like myself for it. I don’t want to be poor anymore.
-Desire based goals: goals are decided because of something you want in your life.
Examples: I want to be strong. I want to be comfortable in my clothes. I want to have the money I need to be stress free.
When you try to avoid an undesired outcome,
it’s a direct path to it.
I have had times where I have been a prime example of the first way to decide on a goal. Examples include working out like crazy so I wouldn’t gain weight….which inevitably lead to some weight gain because I was under rested, under fed, and over doing it. Another would be eating super “clean” all week because I didn’t want to be eat “bad” food and gain weight which inevitably lead to me over eating a lot of “bad” food on the weekends.
More recently I have been using the second type of goal…Desired based goals. Why?
Because CLEARLY the first approach I was doing wasn’t working… no matter how hard I tried. Instead I tried something different and dare I say it…… IT’S WORKING!
By setting desired based goals that are not trying to get away from something but instead going towards something, all of a sudden it doesn’t seem like it’s that hard anymore.
Each and every day I live what I want. If I want to be free of debt, I live as if I am debt free and only spend what I have. If I want to eat so that I feel good, I eat foods that make me feel good and satiated. If I want to achieve a certain strength goal, I practice it until I get there.
It’s that simple. Meet yourself where you are. Work to what you want to become.
I am not sure where along the lines it became ok to work your ass off and not get ahead. It seems like a waste of time, energy, and self worth.
All of a sudden you view yourself as not good enough because you didn’t achieve a misdirected goal. Then you feel that you need to work harder at it, eat cleaner, lift more, etc. Again, this just leads back to a failure.
Stop. Pick up your head. And look. Look for a different way. Look for a new perspective. Look for people who are already doing what you want and see what they do.
Ask yourself… is this REALLY what I want? If it is, great just try a different approach than what you have. If it isn’t, then it’s time to spend some quality time with yourself to truly figure out what you want.
No one else is going to be able to do that for you. Ever. Not a coach. A trainer. A mentor. No one. They may help guide you but they won’t ever truly know what you want unless you figure it out for yourself and tell them.
Figure out what you want. Then live it.
Live it every single day until you become it.
At the Back to Basics Retreat I hosted, the participants actually got to take the time and do so that weekend. We used the exercise from Dave the Iron Tamer’s new book Superhuman YOU .
The ladies sat down and wrote out all the things they don’t want in their lives. There was emotion… there were deep things stirred up…. there was feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, not good enough, etc.
THIS IS NECESSARY!!! You have to be fully invested in the exercise to hit an emotional string to cause action. I am so proud of the ladies for being able to do this.
From that list of things they don’t want in their lives, they were able to do the exact 180 of that and put it in the present tense. By doing this they are creating a list of things that they will become by telling themselves they are indeed the things listed.
Probably the best part of the weekend was that list of things they don’t want in their life got burned. They were able to release all of that negative in their own self talk and life. Now that they know what they want, what they don’t want doesn’t matter anymore. So just let. it. go.
When you let go of that negative list you fully believe the statements. Live the statements. Become the statements.
The words of gratitude from the ladies since then has been heart warming and they have a new perspective. They FINALLY don’t feel overwhelmed by everything they think they need to change about themselves.
They are one day at a time becoming that version of themselves by living it and believing it. Wouldn’t you want to be able to say the same?
It is liberating. Freeing. And will open up doors in your life that you never even knew existed. Relationships improve. You see yourself standing proud in the mirror of who you are. You are achieving goals you have been working at for years. You feel enough.
Please do yourself a favor and take the time to figure out what you want. By doing so you will tap in to a whole new level of yourself.